First Day of Kindergarten!

Well, I have a Kindergartener.

It's been a crazy-busy summer and time has just flown by, leaving me vainly grasping for more lazy days and pool time and after-dinner freeze pops.

I was a mess this morning.  Anxiety was threatening to make me sick, emotions were running high, Hallie wouldn't get dressed, I hadn't gotten groceries so it was slim pickings for breakfast... it was rough.  And we had to be out the door by 7:30am.  My kids usually wake up between 7:30 and 8.

I was near tears.

Drew had to remind me of reality.  "It's not five days like last year; it's only three.  You can do it."  

The school Gabriel is enrolled in is university model, meaning he's home two days and in the classroom two days.  I needed the reminder that I'm only letting go a little bit today.  I let go a lot more last year and it was fine.

Still, last year was preschool.  He was still a little kid.  This is Kindergarten.  Big kid territory.

I'm not ready to have a real-school-aged kid!

But I'll count my blessings that I get to homeschool him on Mondays and Fridays and that he only has half days on Wednesdays.

And that someone else can teach him to read.  Hallelujah.

First day of school excitement!

I'm such a sucker for kids in uniforms! 

He's acting out MY disbelief. ;)

Ignore our dead grass.  After major flooding in May, Houston's been a desert. :/ We can't catch a break.

Heading to class after assembly. 

The Big Five

(photo by MS² Photography)

Gabriel,

You're five and I'm in denial.

It feels like yesterday that I labored to bring you into the world, yesterday that I held you for the first time, weeping from the emotion of it all, kissing all over your sweet little face.  And now you're five.  Break my heart.

You changed my life.  You made me a mama.  You made me who I am.

And every day, you shape me into more of who I'm supposed to be.

I am learning how to love better, deeper, more fully.  I am learning patience (very slowly, I will admit).  I am learning how to think of myself less and others more.

I'm also learning other things -- like the names of dinosaurs, facts about wildlife and aquatic animals, and so many (so. many.) Star Wars backstories -- things I never thought very important or interesting, but I learn them so that I will have an answer when you ask.

Because ask you will.  You love to learn more than anyone I know, which I guess you get from me.  In fact, you get a lot from me.  Some good stuff, some not-so-good stuff.  Your dad and I, we like to say that you got his mind, my personality, and both of our good looks. ;)

And anything you got from me, anything not great?  We can work on that stuff together, with God's help.

You, my precious boy, are an overcomer.  You are strong and brave and confident and humble and kind.  You are a deadly arrow.  You are a mighty man of God.  It doesn't matter if you don't see yourself as any of those things now.  It doesn't even matter if I don't.  What matters is that's who He has called you to be, and by His grace, that's who your dad and I will raise you to be.

I often tell your dad that there's nothing he can't do.  Out of all the people in the world, I truly believe that about him.  You are cut from that same cloth.  You can accomplish anything you want, be anything you want.  The sky really is your limit.

And you will always, always, always have a praying mama behind you.

Yesterday, you sweetly asked to read your brand-spanking-new real Bible (thanks Nana and Papaw!) then you asked to sleep with it -- melt my heart!  Of course we said yes.  I used to get scared at night, just like you, and I liked to sleep with my Bible under my pillow, too.

I pray you soon recognize the power in that book and that you always treasure its words above everything else.  May His Word continually guide and guard your feet and your heart and may you never stray from its commands.  May it become a foundation for you to build your life upon.  May you find life and love and hope in its pages as the Spirit reveals himself to you through them.

I love you, son.

Love,
Your Mama

Some of my favorite pictures of your fifth year.

You and your best buddy, Uncle Anderson.
(photo by EBYPhotography)

Hanging at your favorite place (the zoo), September 2014.

Same spot six months later... big difference! 

Preschool graduation and I could not be more proud.

So happy to be FIVE!  You've been talking about it for almost a year!
(Also note your favorite shirt, haha.)

That profile... that smile... that hair... that NOSE!  All the heart eyes!

Last Day of School 2015

Some fun pictures from our last day of school!  Bring on summer!

First Day of Pre-K!

I did it.  I sent my boy off to his first day of pre-k today.

I thought I'd have to hold back tears, dropping him off at his first day of five-day preschool.  I mean, I cried the first morning I sent him to Mothers' Day Out, y'all!

But surprisingly, I wasn't a wreck... even though he didn't even ask for a "big hug-kiss" goodbye.

I was mainly excited.  Excited for this new chapter in his life, excited for him to learn independence, excited for another adult to pour into his life, excited for him to make friends on his own.

Still, as I sit writing this, I can't help but feel that it was just a moment ago that I was holding him in my arms for the first time, and now he's taken the first steps out of my arms and into the world.  The part of his childhood that was fully reliant on his Mama is slipping away.

... and now the tears are coming!  Whew!

Anyway.  Here are some pictures of his first day of school!

"Mama, do you want me to smile or laugh?"

We unknowingly bought the same backpack and shoes as his Uncle Anderson!

Gabriel and his teacher, Miss Brenda. 

To My First

I realize I never wrote a post for Gabriel on his birthday.  It was hectic trying to get everything ready to our trip to Israel that I couldn't find the time to sit and write something meaningful for my special, special boy.  So here it finally is, two months late!

My dear Gabriel,

You were my first newborn, my first crawler, my first toddler, my first introduction to this motherhood thing.

You were the first I said goodbye to at the church nursery, the first I left with someone other than myself, the first I took to Mother's Day Out, the first I cried over as I watched you go off into the world without me, even if it was only for a short period of time.

You were the first one to take a piece of my heart with you as you left my arms.

My mind is struggling with the reality that you will be a full-fledged preschooler soon.  In a few short weeks, you will leave the nest, test your wings, discover that you don't need your Mama as much as we both thought.

It begins, this letting go.  It excites me and it breaks my heart all at once.

You are entering a new stage of independence.  You will learn to do more and more things on your own, need me for less and less, although I hope you'll want my help for a wee bit longer yet.  You still need help getting your shoes on the right foot, but you've started saying, "I'm going to pretend you didn't tell me, so I did it all by myself."

Over the last year, I have watched you grow taller, yes, but I have also seen you become more tenderhearted.  You take care of your baby brother with such sweetness, always ready to share or play with him.  You have started getting along more with your little sister, too, which warms my heart.  I know she isn't the easiest person to play with!  Oh, and you love to pick your Mama flowers -- melt my heart!

You're so helpful.  I can always count on you to give Asher his sippy cup, pacifier, blankie, a different toy, or something that he's dropped.  You love to run and get a diaper or wipes for me, too, always proudly proclaiming, "I like to help you, Mommy!"

Only a few months ago, I would have called you shy, but I have seen you blossom as a four-year-old. You're still not the biggest talker, but you suddenly have much more to say to people other than your family.  You make friends more easily now, which makes me so excited for your coming days of preschool.

I love how you're always ready to "make a deal."  I'm not exactly sure where you first heard the phrase, but now you're always telling me things like, "If I share my candy, I don't have to share the Kindle, is that a deal?"  

You are constantly learning.  I can practically see the wheels turning in your head when you listen and you like to know that I understand what you say.  "Does that make sense, Mommy?"

You just turned four in May, but you already insist that you're almost five.  I guess that's fair, because when I look at you, I see a boy who is almost ten.  Almost fifteen.  Almost twenty.

When you have a little boy of your own, you'll understand just how quickly time flies.  And I'm sure when you look at him, you'll want to slow time down just a little, like I do when I look at you.

I love you more than you'll ever know, Mighty Man.  You'll always be my first.

Love,
Your Mama

Some of my favorite pictures of your fourth year + fifth summer.

Picking Mama flowers! 

Love this smile.

Soccer stud!

Beach babe!

The zoo might be your favorite place in the world.
Just wait until SeaWorld this summer!

Proud of your first Lego car that Daddy helped you build.

Teethers, nephews, and life.

You guys.  Life is crazy with three littles.

I hardly have time to think most days.  There's always a fight to mediate, a child who needs to be held, food to prep, laundry to wash/dry/fold, etc., etc., etc.  Finding time to blog has become less of a priority.

So here's what's been going on with me.

The past week I've had two teethers.  Well, Asher shouldn't really count.  Other than the drool and a little fussiness, he has been himself.  Considering that he is the happiest baby I've ever met, being a little fussy makes him almost normal. Haha.

This is the face of a happy teether.

Hallie, on the other hand, has been cranky enough for two.  Two-year-old molars.  Teething on steroids.  Seriously.  I have never seen my girl this cranky.  She won't eat and won't sleep.  Which means, of course, Mama doesn't get to sleep, either.

Midnight cuddles.

Fortunately, the bottom two look like they've broken all the way through, and Hallie seems much happier today.  Unfortunately, she didn't get all four in at the same time, so we have to do this all over again when the top two decide to come in.  Yay.

To top everything off, Gabriel got sick last night.  I'm praying that it was just an isolated incident, that it's not a stomach bug about to go on a rampage through my house.  I just don't think I can handle that right now (or ever!), thanks.

But, lest you think I'm complaining, lots of good stuff's been going on, too!

On October 13, my sister-in-law had a baby boy.  We were in Dallas for the weekend and I got to see him when he was less than an hour old.  I forgot just how little they are when they're born.  It's only been five months since Asher was born, but I was surprised just how much I didn't remember.

Here he is, y'all.  Isaac Andrew.

There's just something so precious about a new little life.

Fresh.  Peaceful.  Innocent.  Beautiful.

Isaac is a strong little baby, just like a Louis.  He got an infection while in the hospital and had to stay an extra ten days for a round of antibiotics. :( But every picture I saw of him, he was so peaceful and calm, like he didn't even notice his IV.  Amazing.

Getting ready to leave the hospital!

He's home now and doing really well. :)

Not as interesting, but I wanna talk about it... homeschooling Gabriel has been an absolute joy to my heart.  We're a little behind -- started a week late and then took a few days off for the birth of my nephew -- but we are having SO much fun.  I highly recommend the curriculum we've been using, God's Little Explorers.  If you have preschoolers and are contemplating home school, check it out. 

This week, we were learning about Abraham, so we built a tent in our playroom.  It was also great to read about the original Isaac, since cousin Isaac was fresh in his mind.

Fun was had by all!

This past Wednesday, my husband got off work early so I could go have an adventure on my own without kids.  (Well, except Asher, but he hardly counts because he's so easy.)  I without a doubt married the best man.  Ever.  Not only did he take care of the babies, but he dealt with Hallie at her worst.

I went to hear one of my favorite authors speak.  I also got to hug him and get a book signed.

Ted Dekker, y'all.  TED. DEKKER.

This guy is so incredible.  Everything he talked about was like a timely word for me.  It was exactly what I needed to hear in this season.  But more on that in another post.  For now I'll just say, what a privilege to have had the opportunity to hear his heart twice now.  Instead of, you know, just reading his heart.  Ha!

Anyway, my little non-mommy outing gave me strength to get through the night mommying a sleepless toddler.  Hallelujah.  No pun intended.  (Because I call said toddler Hallie-Lou.)

Well, there's a little who needs to be fed and a little who needs to be set free from "room time," so I should sign off.

I have some exciting news that I'm going to be sharing soon, so stay tuned! :)

(Not nearly as exciting as my new nephew or meeting Ted, but big news for me, nonetheless!)

Yes is Good

Last week, I said yes.

Gabriel has been begging me to paint ever since I bought him a paint set.  Six months ago.

I always had excuses as for why we couldn't.  I was too tired.  I had to make dinner.  We didn't have two brushes, so Hallie couldn't.  It was nap time.  It was lunch time.  It was dinner time.

If you can think of an excuse, I probably gave it to him.

But last week, I finally said yes.

He was so excited!

I explained about not mixing colors, and he did his best to keep the purple out of the yellow and the black out of the red.

We gave Sister some crayons and she was just as content as if she'd had her own paintbrush, and Mama was happy not to have to clean up her mess. (I realize I won't be able to do this much longer.)

Despite his recent aversion to the camera and posing, Gabriel was more than happy to show off his masterpiece (or half of it).

And when he was finally finished, he looked at me with those big brown eyes of his and said, "Mama, we play playdoh now?"

And you know what?  I couldn't say no.

So I said yes.

Not sure what to do with it.

Makin' snakes.

I want to say yes more often.  Yes brings joy to little faces, little hands, little hearts.

And in doing so, yes brings joy to big hearts.

"Look, it's Baby Jesus!"  Um, what??

It's not about saying yes all the time.  

It's about saying yes when I can.  When I can push through being tired.  When I can postpone lunch or dinner by a half hour.  When I can make a choice to expend my own energy to give them something to do, rather than putting on a show.

In those moments, saying yes is good.